What’s the point?

I haven’t been on here in awhile. I was trying to take a break from my phone. To grow close to god. Not sure if it worked. I have those days when I don’t want to read my bible. Or even pray. I feel like what’s the point. I have anger issues and for awhile this anger and tension builds up until it explodes. Then I’m sorry,  then it builds up again. Then I’m yelling and cussing and flipping out. So what’s the point. If I’m just gonna get angry again anyway and if I’m just gonna repeat the sin. Why say sorry? It’s not like i want to be angry. The sickening thing is I like my sad depressed dark days. I like the pity I feel I deserve when I’m going through rough times. I hate when I rage and loose my temper and nobody comes to check on me. Highschool is barely starting and I was literally in tears over my math. I have all this weight on my shoulders. All this responsibility. Yet if I take a break for long I feel like I’m not helping out enough or I’m jealous people don’t ask me to do things. But when they do, after awhile I’m back angry and tired. I don’t understand. What do I want? I feel like I can’t be honest with god. And when I am, I feel I have to say sorry after saying some harsh true stuff. But it’s true. Why hide it. Why bury it deep inside until it exsplodes. I have hope though. Hope that this world isn’t the only one. That one day things will get better. It’s just, in the middle of things, none of that is much comfort. What about right now? Why can’t things get better now? I hate it. I hate my anger and I hate being so tired. I want to go to sleep, but I still have work todo. I haven’t given God much time today. I don’t feel like reading my bible. Or praying. Praying is hard and stressful and its just me repeating forgive me over everything untill its just a way to ease my mind and im not really sorry at all.What’s the point? But in the end I’m gonna try to keep going. Things have to get better eventually. To be honest things aren’t all bad. I just need to be more honest to myself and God and others. Most of my problems are ones I create myself. I really need to trust in God more.

One thought on “What’s the point?

  1. The father of lies and enemy will try to limit your praying because he knows your praying will limit him and his influence over your life. And we should never underestimate what God is doing in our waiting seasons.If you think you’ve blown God’s plan for your life, rest in this, that none of us are that powerful. Confess you shortcomings and sins each day, we all have to, ask for forgiveness, accept it, and move on. If you are having trouble staying in the Word of God, go to BibleGateway.com and let them send you a daily verse by email. There are ways to solve the problems you are experiencing. Your last two lines are very true! Blessings and hugs, Natalie 🙂 ❤

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